How Big of a Deal Is This, Really? A Tool for Gaining Perspective When Life Feels Overwhelming
One of the most powerful tools I teach my clients is perspective.
When we’re in the middle of something hard, it’s almost impossible to see it clearly. It’s our life, our pain, our situation—and that means we’re emotionally entangled in the story. We lose the ability to be objective. Our brain catastrophizes, or minimizes, or loops. And before we know it, we’re reacting to everyday challenges like they’re full-blown crises—or ignoring serious situations that require real attention.
So here’s a simple but effective practice I offer clients when they feel stuck or overwhelmed:
Use a 1–100 scale to assess the situation.
Imagine a continuum from 1 to 100.
A “1” is something like burning your toast.
A “100” is the death of a child or receiving a terminal diagnosis.
Every life event or stressor can be placed somewhere along that line—not to invalidate it, but to contextualize it.
Let’s take job loss as an example.
If you’re in your 30s and lose your job, that might land around a 30. You’re still young, you likely have time to pivot, and you’re relatively employable.
But if you’re in your late 50s with ageism in the workforce and fewer years left before retirement? That same event might be a 55 or 60 on the scale for you.
Same situation, different weight.
Because context matters—and so does self-awareness.
Now let’s say your basement floods. It’s a pain. It’s messy. It’s inconvenient.
But you have insurance. Your family is safe. You can afford repairs. In the big picture, that’s maybe a 7 or 8.
But if you find yourself reacting like it’s a 98—panicked, rageful, emotionally spiraling—then there’s an opportunity to recalibrate.
The goal of this exercise isn’t to judge your feelings. It’s to right-size your response.
When we respond to an 8 like it’s a 98, we burn out.
When we treat a 70 like it’s a 20, we ignore what needs care and attention.
The key is congruence.
Is your response aligned with the actual significance of the event?
This tool helps your nervous system regulate, your mind settle, and your decisions become clearer. It invites you to zoom out and ask:
Where does this fall on the scale of 1 to 100?
Am I reacting in proportion to the situation?
How might I respond differently if I saw it through a wider lens?
This doesn’t mean minimizing what you’re going through. It means honoring it without letting it hijack your entire system.
Because here’s the truth:
Divorce isn’t the end of the world.
A flooded basement isn’t a personal apocalypse.
Even losing a job, while deeply stressful, isn’t a permanent identity crisis.
And when we can see clearly—we can choose wisely.
We can breathe deeper.
We can respond instead of react.
Perspective isn’t about pretending everything is fine.
It’s about learning to hold life with a little more grace, a little more truth, and a lot more strength.