How to Heal from a Shame Spiral: 5 Steps to Start Reclaiming Yourself
By River Phoenix, MS, LCPC, LMHC — Trauma-Informed, Holistic Healing for Adults Ready to Come Home to Themselves
Shame doesn’t just hurt—it erodes your sense of self.
It convinces you that you are the problem. That you’re unworthy. Unlovable. Beyond help.
And worst of all?
It makes you suffer in silence.
If you’ve been stuck in a shame spiral—reliving mistakes, hiding from others, and constantly questioning your worth—you are not alone. Shame is one of the most common yet least understood emotional wounds.
In my work as a trauma-informed therapist and holistic healing guide, I’ve helped countless people break free from the grip of shame and finally feel good in their own skin. This blog is a lifeline—a starting place to help you understand what shame is, why it shows up, and how to begin the real work of healing.
What Is a Shame Spiral?
A shame spiral is a self-perpetuating cycle of harsh self-judgment, emotional overwhelm, and isolation. It often starts with a triggering event—something that makes you feel exposed, flawed, rejected, or like you failed.
From there, your nervous system floods, and a narrative kicks in:
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why do I always mess things up?”
“I’ll never be good enough.”
This isn't just a bad mood. It’s an identity-level attack.
Shame doesn’t say, “I did something wrong.”
It says, “I am something wrong.”
What Triggers a Shame Spiral?
Shame can be triggered by:
Criticism or perceived failure
Rejection or abandonment
Past trauma or abuse
Social comparison (especially online)
Childhood conditioning (not feeling “good enough”)
Internalized voices of authority figures
It often stems from early attachment wounds or being raised in environments where love was conditional. In these environments, you learned to attach your worth to performance, perfectionism, or people-pleasing.
What Makes Shame Worse?
If you’re wondering why shame feels so powerful and sticky, it’s because:
It thrives in silence. Shame grows when you keep it secret.
It hijacks your body. Your nervous system interprets shame as danger, which makes it hard to think clearly.
It attaches to identity. Unlike guilt, which is about behavior, shame attacks who you are.
And the strategies most people use to cope—numbing out, perfectionism, self-isolation—only reinforce the spiral.
How Do You Recognize a Shame Spiral?
The signs are subtle, but here are some clues:
You replay a moment over and over in your mind
You want to disappear, hide, or cancel plans
You say things like “I’m such an idiot” or “No one really likes me anyway”
You feel hot, heavy, or panicky in your body
You ruminate on past mistakes and feel stuck
How to Heal from a Shame Spiral: 5 Steps to Start Reclaiming Yourself
Here’s what I teach my clients—real tools that work.
1. Interrupt the Spiral by Naming It
Simply say to yourself: “This is a shame spiral.”
This small moment of awareness creates space between you and the story.
It helps shift your brain from reactivity to response.
2. Feel the Feeling, Then Question the Story
Let the emotion move through your body—breathe into it, place a hand on your heart, and stay present.
Then ask:
“What am I believing about myself right now?”
“Whose voice is this—mine, or someone from my past?”
“Is this belief based in truth or trauma?”
3. Call in Compassion
Imagine the wisest, kindest version of you—or someone who truly sees your heart—speaking these words:
“You are not broken. You are learning. And you are still worthy of love.”
This isn’t about sugar-coating. It’s about truth with tenderness.
Compassion is a non-negotiable when healing shame.
4. Anchor Back Into Your Worth with Aligned Action
Do one thing—just one—that honors who you’re becoming, not who shame says you are:
Go for a walk
Speak the truth to a trusted friend
Do something nourishing (drink water, journal, move your body)
Choose connection instead of isolation
Every action you take in alignment with your truth chips away at the shame story.
5. Journal to Reclaim Your Voice
Use writing to process, reframe, and reconnect to your truth.
Prompts to Work Through a Shame Spiral:
What triggered my shame?
What story did I start telling myself?
Is this story true—or is it familiar?
What part of me is hurting right now?
What do I need to hear that I didn’t hear as a child?
What would compassion say to me in this moment?
What aligned action can I take to show up for myself today?
You Don’t Have to Carry Shame Alone
Shame makes you believe you’re the only one—but that is a lie.
Healing shame isn’t about pushing past it. It’s about understanding where it came from, reclaiming your power, and learning how to meet yourself with truth and tenderness.
I work with adults who are tired of holding it all together while quietly falling apart inside.
If you’re ready to do the deep work—**to release the weight of shame, rebuild self-trust, and reclaim your voice—**I’m here.
Ready to Begin? Here’s How We Can Work Together:
🌿 1:1 Healing Sessions — Deep, somatic, soul-centered work tailored to your story
🌿 Personalized Intensives — In-home or private half-day healing experiences
🌿 Coaching & Support — For those ready to shift from survival into embodiment and self-respect
👉 [Click here to schedule a free consultation.]
Let’s explore what’s keeping you stuck—and how we can set you free.
You are not too much.
You are not too broken.
You are not alone.
This is the beginning of your return to yourself.