The Art of Working with Emotions: Feel Deeply, Think Clearly

For many of us, emotions can feel confusing or overwhelming.
Maybe you grew up in an environment where emotions weren’t welcomed, weren’t modeled, or were even punished.
Or maybe you learned the opposite — that emotions should always be trusted, no questions asked.

But true emotional health asks for a different kind of wisdom:
It’s learning how to feel your emotions fully — and still think clearly.

Feelings are important.
Feelings are real.
But feelings are not facts.

They are signals — invitations to slow down, check in, and discern what’s really going on inside you.

Why We Struggle with Emotions

If emotions feel confusing to you, you’re not alone.
Here are two of the most common struggles:

• Emotional Disconnection:
  Many people were taught (directly or indirectly) to suppress, dismiss, or avoid their feelings. Over time, they lose touch with their own emotional truth — not knowing what they feel, or why.

• Emotional Over-Identification:
  Others were taught to see their emotions as unquestionable truth. If they felt abandoned, it meant they were abandoned. If they felt angry, it meant someone had wronged them. They trust their feelings so deeply that they sometimes lose sight of the bigger picture.

Both patterns can cause deep confusion, inner conflict, and relational pain.

Healing happens when we learn to feel our emotions — but not be ruled by them.

How to Start Working With Your Emotions (Instead of Against Them)

Here’s a tool I’ve taught over the years:
The 1-100 Scale for Emotional Evaluation.

Imagine an emotional scale from 1 to 100:

• 1 = Something very minor, like burning your toast.

• 100 = Something life-altering, like losing someone you love or receiving a terminal diagnosis.

When you feel triggered or overwhelmed, pause and ask:

• Where would I honestly place this situation on the scale?

• Is my emotional response matching the size of the event?

Examples:

• Getting stuck in traffic might objectively be a 5 — but if you’re feeling it as a 70, that tells you there's a deeper charge underneath.

• Losing a long-term job might be a 45 in your 30s, but closer to a 70 if you're in your 50s and financial stability feels more vulnerable.

This exercise reveals two important things:

• If your emotional reaction is bigger than the situation (inflated), it may be pointing to unresolved pain, trauma, or accumulated stress.

• If your emotional reaction is smaller than the situation (minimized), it might show a disconnection from your feelings and a need to reconnect more honestly with yourself.

Neither is wrong — both are data points. Both are healable.

Feelings Aren't Facts

You might have heard: "Trust your feelings."
But the deeper truth is: Trust yourself to feel your feelings — and then check in before taking action.

Feelings are there to inform us, not control us.
They offer us a snapshot of what’s happening inside — but they don’t always tell us the whole story.

Before acting on strong emotions, ask yourself:

• What is this feeling trying to tell me?

• Am I responding to this moment — or to something deeper from my past?

• Do I need more time to find clarity?

Tools for Regulating and Getting Clear

When you’re emotionally charged or overwhelmed:

1. Implement the 24/48/72-Hour Rule

• 24 Hours: For smaller triggers, give yourself a day before responding.

• 48-72 Hours: For major emotional events, give yourself a few days to settle before making decisions or having important conversations.

Time brings perspective.

2. Regulate Your Nervous System

• Deep breathing (4 counts in, 8 counts out)

• Grounding yourself with your senses (name 5 things you see, 4 you hear, etc.)

• Movement (walk, stretch, yoga)

• Nature exposure (sunlight, trees, water)

3. Name Your Feelings

• Naming ("I feel sad," "I feel angry") helps integrate emotional experiences in the brain.

• Use simple language — no need to overcomplicate.

4. Check for Emotional Inflation or Suppression

• Revisit the 1-100 scale.

• Ask yourself: “Is my reaction bigger or smaller than what this situation calls for?”

5. Journal for Clarity

• Write without editing.

• Explore: What am I really feeling? Where have I felt this before? What does my wise, grounded self know about this situation?

6. Center Yourself Before Acting

• Say to yourself (or aloud if needed):
  “I am feeling a lot right now. It’s OK. I will take the time I need before I respond.”

Self-trust is built not by suppressing emotions, but by learning how to be with them without being swept away by them.

Reflection Prompts for Deeper Self-Understanding:

• What is my first instinct when I feel strong emotions? (Fight, flight, freeze, fawn?)

• What messages did I receive about emotions growing up?

• Am I more prone to minimizing or magnifying my feelings?

• What helps me return to center when I feel emotionally hijacked?

• How can I honor my feelings and my clarity at the same time?

Final Thought

Emotional intelligence isn’t about feeling less.
It’s about feeling wisely — honoring your inner experience while staying rooted in clarity, compassion, and conscious choice.

You deserve to feel your emotions fully — without letting them run your life.
You can learn to trust yourself again.
And that is the heart of true emotional healing.