What Parental Alienation Is—and What It Isn’t
If your child has suddenly become cold, distant, or hostile toward you without any clear reason, it’s natural to feel confused, heartbroken, and desperate for answers. You may be asking yourself:
Why won’t my child talk to me anymore?
What did I do wrong?
Am I a bad parent?
If this experience came out of nowhere and you’ve always had a close relationship with your child, you might be dealing with something called parental alienation—and it’s more common than most people realize.
So, What Is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation is a psychological process where a child becomes emotionally manipulated or influenced to reject one parent—often without valid justification. It usually happens in the context of high-conflict divorce or separation, but can also occur in intact families or blended families with strong loyalty dynamics.
The rejection is not based on abuse, neglect, or trauma.
Instead, it’s rooted in subtle (or overt) efforts by the alienating parent to:
Badmouth or discredit the other parent
Limit or block contact
Encourage secrets or alliances against the other parent
Reward loyalty and punish closeness to the targeted parent
Rewrite history or create false narratives
Over time, the child internalizes this distorted view—and begins to genuinely believe that the targeted parent is unsafe, unloving, or unworthy.
Common Signs of Parental Alienation
Wondering if you're experiencing this? Here are some classic red flags:
Sudden, intense rejection with no clear cause
Your child using adult language or phrases that sound rehearsed
Refusing gifts, phone calls, or affection
Claiming they “made the decision” on their own—despite being heavily influenced
Idolizing one parent while devaluing the other
Black-and-white thinking: “You’re all bad, they’re all good”
Denial of past positive experiences or relationships
Many alienated parents describe it as if their child has been “brainwashed”—because in a sense, they have.
What Parental Alienation Isn’t
It’s important to make one thing very clear: Parental alienation is not the same as estrangement due to abuse, neglect, or consistent emotional harm.
Sometimes, children cut ties with a parent for good reason. That might include:
Being emotionally, physically, or sexually abused
Witnessing violence or manipulation
Feeling unsafe due to untreated mental illness or addiction
In these cases, the child’s distance is often protective and necessary for healing.
But when a parent has been loving, supportive, and present—and is suddenly rejected with no real explanation—that’s when we need to consider parental alienation.
Why It Matters to Know the Difference
Misunderstanding alienation can be devastating. Many parents are unfairly blamed, shamed, or left out in the cold by therapists, family members, and the legal system.
Some well-meaning clinicians:
Assume “both parents are equally at fault”
Believe children are always telling the full truth
Encourage separation instead of repair
Validate a child’s claims without exploring potential manipulation
This leads to even deeper wounds—and can reinforce the alienation.
If You’re a Targeted Parent…
You’re not alone. This blog exists for you.
You’re likely feeling:
Deep grief with no closure
Shame and self-doubt
A loss of identity as a parent
A constant need to defend yourself from false stories
The most important thing to know is this: You are not imagining this. Parental alienation is real, and it’s devastating. But there are ways to begin making sense of it—and eventually, to heal.
Coming Up Next in This Series:
In our next post, we’ll explore:
👉 Why therapy often makes parental alienation worse—and what to look for in a truly helpful clinician.
Until then, know that you’re not crazy, and you’re not alone. The first step to healing is understanding what’s really going on.